Just last week I came across a blog post entitled “30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself”. Much of what was listed had resonated with me at one point, and some still did. I took an interest in the blog and as I scrolled through some of the other posts I came across another one entitled “30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself”.
Readers had written to the bloggers asking them to take a more positive approach to the previous post about what “not” to do and couch it in language that expressed the positive, the “what to do”, instead. (I have included the links to these posts at the end of this blog.)
The other day I posted something called “Breaking Free”. It was a bit of a rant and while I stand by what I said, I’d like to take a similar approach to the posts mentioned above and present it in a different, more positive way.
Over the years I have been working to change any negatives into positives. I have been working hard to recognize my patterns and to move away from things that “don’t work” and towards the things that do.
The main reason I do this is because, ultimately, what we put out into the world is what we attract back to us in some form or another so to always be focused on what’s not working only attracts more of that. The process of eliminating the things that don’t work is a key element in determining what does work but eventually we’ve got to let that stuff go.
So, in response to “Breaking Free”, I give you “Being Free”:
Dear Society, Friends and Family,
I recently got a bit upset with you for expecting me to be a certain way. While I too am coming to terms with the need to let go of expecting things from you, what I am requesting is for you to see me for who I am rather than who you want or expect me to be. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this it’s that when we do what is expected, who we are becomes affected.
It can be challenging to figure this out – who we really are. I’ve been doing a lot of work around this for many years and continue to do so.
During that time I have held many jobs, some part time, some full time, some temp or contract and these have all helped me in one way or another along my journey of self-discovery. I am grateful to have had these opportunities – though get thoroughly confused when I have to submit a resume somewhere – and am now looking for something new and different; something that I truly love to do.
I appreciate that one must earn an income and contribute in some way but know there is another way for me to do this, outside of the ‘boxes’ I have found myself in. So I continue to seek this out.
Over the years my ‘unusual’ or ‘risky’ behaviour has led to people offering me advice and to me seeking it out. I began to believe that there must be something wrong with me.
I’ve been to counselors, psychologists, been prescribed medications, self-medicated to some degree, been told I need to get a “real job”, and have even had it suggested to me that I need to marry a man with money.
As I mentioned in my recent rant, these things don’t work for me. But rather than tell you why they don’t work, let me share with you what does:
Rather than discussing things with counsellors, which may have been helpful in the past, I now prefer to work with my own inner voice; to listen to and learn to trust my intuition; to take time to sit in meditation; to become aware of my thoughts; to learn to speak of the positives rather than focus on the negatives; to let go of judgments, assumptions and worries; to learn to live in the present moment.
Rather than medicate my emotions, to alter them in some way, I prefer to sit with my feelings; acknowledge that they are there; accept them without judgment and without labelling them as “good” or “bad”, welcome them even; recognize that they are not permanent, that they will pass, that I am not defined by them nor do I need to identify with them. I can simply breathe and know that they are a necessary part of my journey and will change with time and a little self-awareness.
Rather than take another job merely for the sake of paying the rent, I will work at something I am passionate about; follow my bliss; create my own path; recognize and believe that anything is possible; take risks; make mistakes; fail A LOT; learn valuable lessons and celebrate my continued growth as one of my biggest successes.
And rather than seeking out a partner in life because they have money or I am now in my 40s, I will fall in love and know that when that happens it will be timed perfectly. Until then I have been enjoying and will continue to enjoy my solitude, taking time to truly get to know myself, while maintaining my belief in romance and that I am worthy of someone’s love and affection.
I am more than what I do for a living and how much money I earn in a year. My family members are some of my greatest teachers and for that I am eternally grateful. I celebrate my emotions, especially when I am sad or depressed, because they are helping me to let go. There is nothing wrong with me. I am perfect, even with my so-called imperfections, and I am changing with each and every breath.
So please, if I can offer you any advice in return, it’s to celebrate with me. Cry when you need to and know that you’re okay. Believe in something better. Trust that anything is possible. And see me for who I am. It’s like looking in the mirror because you are just like me: perfect as you are and changing every day.